In The Game Plan, The Rock is a football star who discovers he has a 7 year old daughter he didn’t know about and she proceeds to turn his life upside down by doing things like putting his bull dog in a tutu and gluing fake gemstones all over his MVP game ball. Are you frickin’ kidding me? Come on, get a grip man, you’re The frickin’ Rock, for God’s sake! You’re supposed to be in movies where stuff gets blown up and you see more action than Paris Hilton’s vagina. Not some movie where you’re upstaged by a seven-year-old girl. Yeah, I get the whole “irony” thing. Big, muscled up wrestler football guy gets all turned around by tiny little princess. But the real irony here is that this movie makes you look gayer than Clay Aiken at a popsicle taste testing event. As a matter of fact, that should be the name of this movie: Instead of The Game Plan, it should be The GAY Plan. What’s next Dwayne? Are you gonna bring the shock and awe of The Rock to a live action version of the Powerpuff Girls? Maybe you could you could use your action hero status to update a classic like My Little Pony. Sure, every action hero does something kid friendly. Arnold Schwarzenegger had Kindergarten Cop but he turned those five year olds into army commandos and still managed to shoot a bad guy about 38 times with a 6-bullet clip. Hell, Clint Eastwood even did a couple movies with an orangutan but that orangutan drank beer and beat up bikers. What do you have? Oh yeah, you have the struggle of balancing your football practice and her ballet classes. Yeah, Dwayne….I’ve had bigger struggles than that settin’ a turtle head free in lake porcelain. Might I suggest a new name to go with that image makeover? I’m thinking instead of The Rock that maybe you could be “The Tissue”. Meanwhile, we’ll look forward to seeing you in Brokeback Mountain 2, candyass.
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