You again?

Amazingly enough, Britney Spears is planning to write a tell all book about her life, which from the looks of her recent outfits, I am guessing it would be a pop-up book filled with colorful pictures of empty penicillin bottles and blue star ointment. Are you frickin’ kidding me? A book? Who’s ghostwriting that? George W Bush? Is it just me or does anyone else vaguely recall that day in 9th grade health class when the teacher said the last symptom of syphilis was insanity? Then again, I’m certain Britney’s book would make for very entertaining reading. Maybe it would be like Dr Seuss ….and maybe……it would go like this…:



I do not like these, no I don’t
Underwear, I just won’t
I would not put them on my box
No cover for my hairless fox
I will not wear them here nor there
I shall not wear my underwear
I do not like them red nor white
Though I wish I had a neon light
To glamorize my catcher’s mitt
Cannot, will not, hide one bit
Not today or tomorrow but maybe later
Now everyone meet
Mrs. Sphincter's next door neighbor



Good luck on your sure to be brilliant, book, skankbag, errrrr, Ms. Spears.

Could it be you?

Oh my God! I am so mad at you right now. Do you know how long we have been looking for you, Grandma? And then I see you there, walking across the parking lot smacking that same Dentyne gum you always used to have in your purse whenever you came to the house. Strange though, this picture gives me the oddest feeling that, instead of the sweet smell of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies and summery sheets hanging on the clothesline, you now smell like three day old peach schnapps and stale smoke with a just a hint of lambskin with nonoxenol 9. (Amazing how my odd feelings are so detailed, isn’t it?) However, I am 100% sure that you are wearing the exact same horse hair wig and muumuu I last saw you in during the summer of 78. I bet those are even Grandpa’s old boots, aren’t they. I’m really mad as hell but if you’ll come home and read me Lost Little Puppy again I could probably find it in my heart to forgive you. ARE YOU FRICKIN’ KIDDING ME? Britney….come on……I mean, damn, did you just roll outta bed this morning and think, “I wanna look as trailer as I can today”? And what the hell is that on your head? Did you beat that raccoon to death with an umbrella this morning when you found it digging in your frickin’ trash can? And please stop wearing those boots. Contrary to whoever said so, boots DO NOT go with jammies. However, I do appreciate your personal efforts to help stop global warming by using that vortex on your face to suck in all the carbon dioxide. Hey, maybe that’s the problem. You’re only acting crazy because you’ve been trying to save the world from itself, right? Well…..DON’T. Please just let me go quietly to sleep as I lie next to the exhaust pipe on my 1983 Chevette. Good night, Grandma and I ‘m sorry I took apart your TV while you were taking a nap that day and you couldn’t watch your soap opera.

VAN DAMNIT! Jean Claude Van Dork is back!

Next on my list of things that make me more aggravated than Paris Hilton at a monogamy rally. Moviehole reports that Jean Claude Van Damme will be extending slightly beyond the action genre to try his hand at a supernatural thriller with some horror elements in Holy Blood, said to be something like The Exorcist meets The X-Files. Are you frickin’ kidding me? More like Kung fu clown meets stupid script. Van damnit! And I guess this is somehow different from the 32 straight to DVD turdtaculars he did last year. If I had an hour and a half to spend and my choices were A) endure Jean Claude Van Dork’s ridiculous Belgian accent or B) Use a hot iron to get the wrinkles out of my penis then I guess you better hand me the spray starch and that would be the heavy starch if you catch my drift. I also like the fresh lemon scent but that’s optional. By comparison…Jean Claude is to acting as frickin’ Alec Baldwin is to child nurturing. Hey Jean….do producers actually call you to make these or do you stand on the side of Hollywood Blvd with a sign that says, “Will work for food”? As much as I believe in helping the homeless, I would have to let your chop-suey ass starve to death.

Joe, You're Going Down

Just two days after his arrest on Tuesday for violating a contempt of court citation, Girls Gone Wild founder, Joe Francis, faces new charges for trying to bribe a guard for bottled water and having drugs in his cell. First of all, Joe, a frickin’ bottle of water? If you’re gonna go down for bribery couldn’t you have at least taken a page from the boys at Lonoke and just asked for the chief’s wife to swing by and rough up the suspect a little bit? And where did those drugs come from? They said they strip searched you so I am guessing you had those in your double top secret storage compartment….errr…your ass. But that’s not even close to the worst for you, Joe. Listen to this exact quote from the newspaper: In the courtroom, Francis cried as his mother blew him a kiss while he was led back to his cell. YOU’VE GOTTA BE frickin’ kidding me! Joe, Not only are you known for being a pudgy, soft-porn mogul but now you’re gonna cry on national TV while good old mom blows you a kiss? Dude, you may as well have just had a tattoo put on your lower back of an arrow pointing down that reads “ Large Prisoners Go Wild Here” It’s a good thing your momma blew you a kiss because you’re gonna be spending a lot of time getting to know your daddies. That’s plural, Joe. A lot of daddies. So you better invest in a lot of chapstick. Because you don’t think those cigarettes are gonna trade for themselves do ya?

Ronald Reagan Wants to Kill You

Courtney Cox’s husband, David Arquette, has followed in Rob Zombie’s footsteps and made himself a little scary movie. And from the look of it, he’s been puffing the magic dragon pretty hard, too because I would rather pole dance naked for my 85 year old grandma than watch this turd soufflé. Let me give you the set up. The Tripper is a movie about a group of drugged-out hippies that go out to the redwood forest for a weekend long concert and end up getting hunted and attacked by a killer that's dressed up like Ronald Reagan. Are you frickin’ kidding me? Ronald Reagan? Yeah….that’s horrifying…..a killer that looks like a 76 year old man with Alzheimer’s. He was gonna kill me but he forgot who he was and what he was doing so I just told him he was making me a frickin’ sub sandwich with extra mustard and to hurry the hell up. Oh but it gets worse. Old Ronald Reagan has a killer dog named…..are you ready….Nancy. A killer dog named Nancy….That’s about as Nutty as a port-a-potty at a peanut festival. And it gets even worse…David Arquette plays a weed smoking lumberjack named Muff…. Yeah, I said Muff. Do I really need a punchline there? Ok then….Playing a character named Muff is about as funny as the time my friends talked me into believing you could milk a bull. That stuff may be frothy but it sure don’t go good with Captain Crunch. Apparently David Arquette and creativity go together about as well as rap music collaboration between Ice Cube and Don Imus.

Welcome to the Idiot Party, Mr. John Crapolta

John Travolta told the Irish Independent “I have fame on the level of a Marilyn Monroe or an Elvis, but part of the reason I didn’t go the way they did was because of my beliefs,”. Ummmmmmmmmm…….Hello, Mr. Ego Maniac……the only comparison between you and Elvis is that extra 50-60 lbs you’re lugging around from that all lard diet you must be on. Is that Scientology clean? And last I checked, 99.999999% of men would rather get it on with WHAT’S LEFT of Marilyn Monroe than you. It would have been 100% but Richard Simmons and Sanjaya Malakar actually cast a vote for you.

Look chief, I know your new movie, appropriately named Wild Hogs, has been a surprise blockbuster but that doesn’t make up for that space turd, Battlefield Earth. Is that really your best homage to L. Ron Hubbard? Then again, I am sure he’s getting the last laugh with all you clowns spouting his Scientology smack when it’s something he came up with one night after about his fifth rum shooter. I think it was him and a few buddies and it went something like this:

L. Ron: “Errrrrrrrrr, uhhhhhhhhh, ummmmmmm…..listen to this shit (cause that’s what drunk people always say first)…….Don’t ya think if Jesus was here now he could make a lotta jack. I bet he wished he could have sold the bible. I bet he could have bilked those stupid Pharisees out of millions by charging for healings. If he had only had a machine that had some flashing lights and a little arrow that showed how much healing they actually needed. That would have been a riot man!”

L. Ron’s drinking buddy, Bob: "You’re drunk, man and you’re blocking my view of the game. Sit down and shut up. Wait a minute……Did you say Jesus could charge money? You’re an idiot. That’s the lamest thing I ever heard. "

L. Ron: "Yeah…..well…..(hiccup)….I think…..oh dude, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Anyway……I still think it’s brilliant. Anymore of that pizza left? "

Yeah, Johnny……Apparently to be a Scientologist it requires you to have a lot of money, a big mouth and the ability to make the dumbest comments in recorded history. Why don’t you and Tom Cruise just get married so you two geniuses can make sweet, sweet love….errrrrr………cleanse each other’s thetans all night long? Idiot.

Please Kill Me Now

CBS has plans to bring '80s cartoon classics Strawberry Shortcake and Care Bears back to television. Yeah, that’s what we need for our kids. While kids in Japan are busy designing computer chips in first grade, we can look forward to another whole generation of frickin’ Sanjayas. Care Bears will have new original characters like Cheer Bear and Funshine. Well, la-di-frickin’ da…..Can Cheerbear teach my kid to build a frickin’ I-Pod? Can Funshine teach my boy criminal law so he can get daddy out of jail from beating on the creators of lame ass cartoons? Daddy needs some dough. What they need is to create Co-Dependant bear so he can show my little angry viewer how to take care of daddy when he’s old and bitter. As a matter of fact, why not have SCARE BEARS. You could have Bank Rob-Bear, Flimflam Bear, Bear Nekkid, and Hold my Bear and Watch this Sh**. Now THAT would be good.

Pick Me, Pick Me

Every since Angelina started collecting kids like frickin’ Yugio cards, every other celebrity wants to get in on the craze. Madonna has one and now it’s been said that Penelope Cruz and Leonardo DiCrapio want one, too. Are you frickin kidding me? Hey clowns do you realize it takes more than just a little water and sunshine to grow one of these? They’re not frickin’ sea monkeys. Maybe you guys could make up little trading cards for each one so when you get bored with them you can trade ‘em out with other celebrities. I’ll swap you a Maddox for a David. They could get points for being frickin potty trained or coming with an agent already attached to give them more value. What the hell, maybe like baseball cards they could each come with a frickin’ piece of that stale ass, teeth breaking gum stuck to their back. And you know if the A-Listers are adopting now, that the rest of these clowns will jump at the chance faster than Eddie Murphy on a transvestite hooker. And then the next thing you know Paris Hilton is adopting kids and raising a whole new generation of skank bags.

But, seriously, the real reason I am mad is that Angelina Jolie has not offered to adopt me. Angelina, listen, I have three reasons you should pick me over one of those foreign kids: #1) I can fill out my own paperwork and there won’t be any of those annoying fees #2) Most of the time, I don’t crap my pants. and #3) I am a huge proponent of breastfeeding. A lot. All day. All night. It’s just what’s best for baby.

Time for an intervention

Rumour has it LA Lakers forward Luke Walton is dating Britney Spears. Hey Luke….are you frickin’ kidding me? What is it, man? You didn’t figure hooking up with chics in 40 different road game cities a year gave you a good enough shot to catch a scorching case of VD? I guess you don’t mind playing in an arena where lots of other players have been doing some hard dunking lately?

NBA players are supposed to get the best chics, Luke. Tony Parker has Eva Longoria…..hell, even crazy Dennis Rodman had Carmen Electra and you get Britney? Not hot, catholic school girl, hit me baby one more time, I would kill people to hook up with you, Britney but crotch flashing, head shavin, psycho car bashin’, post rehab Britney who looks like frickin’ Kojack in drag. Dude, seriously, if you just have a Kojack fetish you’d be better off digging up Telly Savalas and pulling a Weekend at Bernie’s type romance. Sure, all your NBA buddies would laugh when they saw you spooning with his skeletal remains but at least it’s a pretty slim chance that K-Fed was there first…. I’d rather shave my back with a frickin’ cheese grater than play back up to Kevin Federline.

But hey, on the bright side, maybe you can change her. Maybe you’re just the guy that can charm the snakes out of her head. Then again, maybe you have a better chance of painting her bald dome like a crystal ball and seeing into the future. Here’s a hint : It involves several trips to the free clinic. Hope you’re not allergic to penicillin, dumbass!

I pity the fool that doesn't heed my warning!

Dun- du-dun-dunnn-dun- dun- dun … And….of course you instantly recognized that as the theme song from the best action series of the 80’s, The A-Team. Hannibal, Faceman, Murdock and BA “Bad Attitude” Baracus……..ahhhhh…….the crème de la crème of action cheese…..savor the flavor, baby. It seems just like yesterday ole George Peppard was bringing DeNiro-like acting chops to the line “I love it when a plan comes together.” As a matter of fact, who needs DeNiro or Pacino or Denzel or Hanks when you got Mr. frickin’ T ? I pity the fool that doesn’t believe me! Let’s reminisce just a little more and recap a typical episode, shall we? It opens with an explosion. Someone needs the A-Team. Hannibal meets them in some ridiculous disguise. The team agrees to help. Something blows up. The A-Team goes to work. Something else blows up. Face runs a scam to get what they need and then they drug BA and put him on a plane, of which he is terrified. Something really blows up and then they get caught. Then they devise a plan. Hannibal utters his classic line. They blow everything up and it ends with a little funny one liner about things blowing up.

Now, how the hell can you mess with something that good? I have personally seen NASA physicists cry because they could not devise a formula that amazing. But now Dark Horizons reports that “NBC is interested in bringing "The A-Team" back. The plan is for a four-hour NBC mini-series that will air next February. That would eventually lead to a new series starting next fall if it were to rate well.”

You can imagine that I was more excited than Simon Cowell at a man-bra sidewalk sale! Until…….. Until……I can’t seem to type through the tears of rage I am fighting. They not only want to make BA Baracus a woman but they want her to be played by……I can’t believe I am saying this….. Lil Kim, the rapper. ARE YOU FRICKIN’ KIDDING ME? Would you pull Jimmy Stewart from it’s a wonderful life and replace him with Pauly frickin’ Shore? Bruce Willis in Die Hard with Pee Wee frickin’ Herman? Ben Affleck in Daredevil with Conan O’ frickin’ Brien? Ok, well, the last one might work. Actually, that would be much better. But Mr T with Lil Kim? That sounds more like the “D Team”.

I am certain that this corruption was foretold in the bible as prophecy for the end times. Repent readers, repent. The hour draws near when a big fire will appear in the sky. Jesus? Nope, Mr. T and he will be pissed off and collecting souls. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

I ALMOST wasn't angry until I thought about it

The show Hero rocks and I don’t give a damn what anybody says. Yet, all of that aside, I am EXTREMELY mad at the producers for never before revealing, much less allowing, Hayden Panittiere to use her real superpower. In the show, Hayden plays a young woman who has the power to regenerate from any physical harm. But see, that’s fake. The superpower in this picture is REAL! Are you frickin’ kidding me?

I am sure every man reading this already knows what the power is. Well, actually, no man is “reading” this right now unless you consider the fact they are touching the screen as an effort to read in braille. And if you are a man and you are not doing that….or you are a lady, I just have one question for you: Do you not recognize the finest superpower in the universe? ARE YOU FRICKIN’ KIDDING ME? It’s Hayden’s ability to completely disorient and disable the entire male population single-handedly, errrr, tonguedly with only the slightest of actions…..like…..say……ummmmm
……making out with another girl’s boobie.

So, to the producers of Heroes…fellow geeks, as much as I love your show, and I love it like Lindsay Lohan would love a Colt 45 malt-liquor lollipop dusted in sweet ganja dust, I am now forced to catch a flight just to come up there and bring my kung-fu fists of steel out from retirement and lay waste to you for your complete lack of respect for your male viewership. Please do not try to hide. This is unavoidable. Please show respect and meet me at the airport so I can simply get off the plane, reach in and pull out your hearts and show them to you as the plane takes back off prior to your collapse into a pile of mush on the tarmac. Thanks. Oh…and thanks again for a great TV show. Sorry you have to die.

Rob Zombie's Brilliant Money-Making Scheme

Today is a banner day for me! Did I win the lottery? Nope. Did I get my own TV show? Nope. Did I get a hot lap dance? Hell no. But what I did get dropped in my lap is the “new” Halloween trailer from “writer/director” Rob Zombie. Apparently, he got permission to remake Halloween based on some other movie he made that, from the look of the box, had to do with killer clowns or something. But hey, what the heck, I always did like Halloween and I was actually kind of excited that someone might reinvent the franchise with a modern day Michael Myers with a whole new feel. Imagine how surprised I was when I cued up the ole trailer. I thought maybe I clicked on the wrong one because it looked almost exactly the same except for different actors. But when the moment for the mask came, I really wondered what he had done with that to freshen up the feel. Yeah, ummmm, it looks exactly the same. Are you frickin' kidding me?


Hey Rob… I have a question….can you really bill yourself as a “writer/director” if your “re-imagining” of the Halloween movie franchise is almost EXACTLY the same movie that John Carpenter made in 1978? It would appear that the only thing you have “re-imagined” is a way to make some quick dough from unsuspecting slasher fans. Is this your way of getting back at the public since there were only about 8 people who bought your last CD? And, I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, Rob, but out of the 8 people who bought it…..5 currently use it as a coaster, 2 donated it to Goodwill (which they rejected because they have a policy against CDs that suck that bad. Although I did see they had a copy of Freddy Fender’s last CD on the rack, for what that’s worth) and the last one, well I bought that one just to wipe my can with and you may have the last laugh on that one because I still have CD shrapnel lodged around my anus. But that’s not the point, is it, oh “re-imaginer”? The point is that you made fifty cents. To tell the truth, I always suspected you were phonier than Paris Hilton’s promise not to have sex for a year (I am sure that by “not to” she meant as many as would have her in the next five minutes) and now I know it. Now that I think about it, you probably “re-imagined” all the CDs you released. You probably blatantly plagiarized were the writer/director of many CDs that were originally imagined by others, huh Zombie?

What’s next, Robert? Maybe you could “re-imagine” a show that revolves around really odd things happening. In one episode you could have a guy in a plane that is afraid of flying and when he looks out the window at 20,000 feet he sees some kind of creature on the wing of the plane. Yeah, and maybe you could call it “The Zombie Zone”. Or how about this…..maybe you could “re-imagine” a conceptual CD about a guy on heroin who “don’t need no education” and you could call it “Rob’s Wall”. Or maybe you could just admit you didn’t “re-imagine” or “write” anything at all. It’s just a remake for an audience of teenagers who never saw the original and wouldn’t know the difference if they were being fleeced or not. Nice work, Rob….and every time I sit down on my porcelain throne, the shrapnel in my ass will not only remind me that your CDs suck but that your “re-imagined” movies do, too.

"Rumer" has it I want to stab my eyeballs with a fork

So Bruce Willis is back as John McClane in Die Hard 4. Look, I still think the first Die Hard is the best action movie ever made but isn’t Willis a little bit old to be doing this one again? Are you frickin kidding me? Think about it… the last time a the Die Hard franchise was popular we had a president who wasn’t hooked on phonics and Dick Cheney wasn’t VP…he was just, well, a dick.

What’s the name of this sequel again? Die Hard 4: Medicare Warrior? I mean, come on, what’s the premise? I guess ole Bruce will have to take on some really evil orderlies at the nursing home. What….is he pissed off about all the lumps in his cream of wheat? Are they not being fair with the shuffleboard time?

You know what, I’ll go see your movie, Bruce….on one condition….Would you please NOT let your facially-challenged daughter have a role in this? Bruce, I hate to break it to you but I think Demi Moore might have been cheating on you with….oh….I don’t know…. Mr. Frickin’ Potato Head. I’m almost positive that there’s a hidden panel in her back that opens up to reveal a variety of hats and some spare eyeballs. Seriously, I would rather deep fry my own scrotum than have to stare at Rumer Willis on screen for an hour and a half.

Bruce, I really appreciate you once again saving the world from terrorism but could you just save us from having to see her again or at least let her take a shoulder-fired missile to the head in the opening sequence?

Britney's New Bag

Well, congratu-freakin’-lations to Britney Spears as she embarks on her post rehab life. Maybe she’ll actually remember she’s a parent now. Frankly, her kids have probably taken to calling a bag of skunk weed “mom” since they have been living with Fed-Ex and that’s the only thing that’s always there. A stank bag of weed and dad’s inexplicable propensity for speaking to his kids only in rap. Well, that craptastic spouting he calls rap, anyway. But, as always, I digress. This is a celebration of Brit-Brit’s new found freedom from insanity and her certain to be crunkalicious new CD. I thought maybe I could give her a few suggestions for the album title. After a great deal of time in my creative process….aka….sitting on my ass eating sesame chicken and sucking down iced tea ….I have come up with my …..

TOP THREE TITLES FOR BRITNEY’S NEW CD

A tribute to the 80’s
3) Flashpants

an ode to country music
2) The Carpet don’t Have to Match the Drapes cuz I ain’t got Either (get it? Think about it….no CARPET……)

And the top suggestion is…..no explanation needed on this one

1) Leave it to Beaver

Say What?

In an interview with NME, a British magazine, Rolling Stone guitarist Keith Richards was asked something along the lines of what was the strangest thing he had ever snorted. First of all, who the hell asks a question like that? I probably would have answered “Your momma. I snorted her all day and night.” Of course, I probably would have had my ass whipped, too. I wish that dumb question was the end of the story. Now is the time you will really ask “Are you frickin’ kidding me?” What was Keith’s answer? He responded, “The strangest thing I’ve tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated, and I couldn’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn’t have cared,” he said, adding that “it went down pretty well, and I’m still alive.”

I think the real question here is how the hell is he STILL alive? I think Keith Richards would have snorted a 78 Buick if he could have figured out how to get it fine enough to go through a straw. And I’m not completely sure I believe him when he says he’s “still alive”. Frankly, after that story, I am about 99% sure he is a flesh-eating zombie and has been since the late 70’s when he made a deal with the devil. You would think he could have at least bargained for good looks in the deal. I imagine it went something like this….

Keith: Hey there, devil man. I was thinking. If you could make it so’s I could smoke or snort anything I want for the next 60, maybe 70 years without dying I could pretty much give you my soul.

Devil: Ummmmm, yeah ok. You sure you don’t wanna be really good looking and be able to have all the women you want? Or at least be the greatest guitarist of all time?

Keith: Nope. The whole snort and smoke thing is cool. Well, there is one more thing. I think I wanna snort my old man when he finally kicks it.

Devil: Ummmmm….you wanna SNORT your dad?

Keith: Yeah, well his ashes, dude. Just for kicks man.

Devil: Yeah, ok Keith, I guess I can do that. Is that it….really?

Keith: Yep, I think so. I just wanna smoke or snort every single thing I can possibly roll up or get into a straw.

Devil: Done

Cue Devil laughing his ass off for the next 2 years straight. Can’t catch his breath and doubled over.

Yeah, in my mind, that’s pretty much how it had to be because any other explanation is just unbelievable.

Keith, you may be rich. You may be a decent guitar player. You may have more hits than 90% of every rock band in the world but you are a blithering moron with the IQ of a frickin’ pop tart.

Snort that.

Two for Tuesday on Monday

Ya know….there are some people I just DON’T want to be mad at but they make me. And today you, my anger allies, get two for the price of one.

The first of my daily double has me as angry as Kirstie Alley at 2am when she realizes she just ran out of Ho Hos and the 7-11 is closed. As a kid, my favorite hero of all time was Spider-Man. And, as you might imagine, when he finally came to the big screen I was as excited as Angelina Jolie at an all you can adopt foreign kid buffet. And, since 2002, Tobey McGuire has been the man behind the mask. Now he says he doesn’t want to be Spidey any more. Yeah, I guess it must really be a hardship puttin’ that $15,000,000 check in the bank, huh McGuire? I guess that kinda dough just don’t stretch the way it used to. But it’s not about the money. Nope. Not at all. Nosiree…..Ole Tobey McRetard says he just doesn’t wanna be typecast. Typecast? ARE YOU FRICKIN’ KIDDING ME?????? Hey….ummmmm…..Tobey……let me give you a clue. Every single movie you have ever done COMBINED has not made as much as ONE Spiderman. Pleasantville, Cider House Rules, Seabiscuit…..frickin’ Seabiscuit? Yeah, lemme see here…..which do I wanna be…..a half-blind, washed up horse jockey or Spiderman…. Yeah, that’s a hard one. What is it Tobey? Do you need an Oscar on your mantle? Are you bored with the 1.8 billion chicks that wanna get in the web with you? Here’s a little peak at your future Tobey McDumbass…..you’re gonna pass on Spiderman 4 and Jake Gyllenhall, who by comparison makes your acting chops look like those of a bad Mentos commercial, is gonna step in and get the biggest payday of his life. And then a few years from now, after you have vanished into relative box office obscurity as a result of your next 6 movies making somewhere near 8 bucks, we’ll see you hawking platform shoes on QVC.

Number two on my list … the Geico cavemen. You know …the commercials about the cavemen who feel like they are victims of stereotype. Hey, I love those! That’s right…..I actually DO like something once in awhile. But now they want to make it a TV series. Riiiiiigggghhhhhht. So they wanna take a 30 second joke and stretch it for a half an hour ….isn’t that a little like asking Barack Obama to become a black man? What’s next…a serial drama about the loneliness of the Maytag repairman? Or maybe a comedy about the gay relationship between the Sonic dudes and their foot long dogs. Come on…..a comedy about cavemen? How many jokes about the invention of fire can be made?
Trust me when I tell you that this show will be regurgitated faster than Nicole Richie’s lunch. And here’s a quick message to the TV executive who thought this was a great idea: Listen up, clown. I’m already forced to navigate my remote through craptastic shows like the Bachelor, Are You More of a Man than a 5th Grader and Dork Whisperer. I hope that exactly 10 minutes after this festival of terds wraps episode one that you find yourself blowing up your agent’s pager to see if that job at Dairy Queen is still available. You’re an idiot.
All I have left to say is……Are you frickin’ kidding me?