Here at Apple we take customer concerns very seriously. Thousands of you rushed out to buy the brand new i-phone when it arrived and paid $599. And now we have heard feedback that you feel cheated that we have recently lowered the price to $399, just three months later. After a great deal of discussion amongst our management team we have decided to release this statement. To all customers who feel that they were taken advantage of by the rapid drop in price: Suck it. Yes, you heard correctly. The official Apple statement is suck it. Suck it like a golf ball through a rubber hose, bitches. We got your $200 and you ain’t getting dick back. Meanwhile, please enjoy the exciting new i-tunes feature that allows you to wirelessly download more music than ever. And thanks again for choosing Apple.
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