This one has me more stirred up than a porn star’s uterus. Whoopi Goldberg made her debut on The View and immediately made a comment that was flakier than a box of Post Toasties. Goldberg said that “from where Michael Vick comes from” in the deep South, dogfighting isn’t that unusual. It’s like cockfighting in Puerto Rico,” Are you frickin’ kidding me? In the South dogfighting isn’t that unusual? Yeah, I just got my invitation in the mail yesterday to the Arkansas Human Society’s Annual Rip Rover’s Throat Out Event. Come on… that makes as much sense as my brother getting a snake bite on his schlong and asking me to suck out the poison. Sorry bro, but we all have to die sometime. First off, Whoopi Assberg, you are apparently as knowledgeable in geography as you are hair products because Vick is from Newport News, Virgina, which is about 2 hours from Washington DC. Newport News is to the deep south as Gwen Stephani is to Hooters. Second, I’ve lived in the real south almost my entire life and have never even heard about a dog fighting match. Unless you count Hillary Clinton Versus Janet Huckabee and that would be a hell of a bitch fight. When is the last time you actually came south, Whoopi Goldturd? Here are a few things you need to know: Dogfighting IS unusual. People here are more likely to shoot you for stealing their dog than kidnapping their spouse. Also, we have running water which, from the looks of that whisker biscuit on top of your head, you may want to check into. We also have integrated schools, contraceptives, shoes and thankfully… we have DVRs so we can fast forward past dumbass comments like yours that basically just squat down and drop a giant load of ass raisins all over the viewer’s intelligence. And what the hell does any of this have to do with cockfighting in Puerto Rico? I don’t have a joke there. I just think the phrase cockfighting is really funny. Somehow makes me think of a duel between gay men. The bottom line: You’re about as sharp as a pair of kindergarten scissors.
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