This one has me more amped up than OJ Simpson at a Ginzu Knife convention. Tired of every magazine flaunting virtually nude women, Jessica Alba thinks more magazines should feature penis. She tells Britain's GQ: Men's magazines have nipples so why don't women have a magazine where men show their penises? There's Playgirl but not a fashion magazine like Elle. "If there was a magazine like that I'd buy it. Nudity's not a big deal to me...I've said I won't go naked in any of my movies, because I don't want to. But that doesn't mean I don't want to see other people strip off!" Are you frickin’ kidding me? First of all, as hot as you are, why the hell do you need magazines to see naked dudes? That one stupid comment has probably unleashed the cracken. Now every single time you go outside, every single heterosexual guy within eyeshot of you will be bearing his rumpleforeskin for your viewing pleasure. Every time you open the door will look like the Jimmy Dean Sausage Convention has rolled up on your front lawn. Hell, I know you can’t even see people on the radio but I’m still bearing mine right now just in case. And second Jessica, oh queen of hypocrisy, the only reason you haven’t been completely naked in a movie yet has nothing to do with integrity or whether you “want to” or not. You are constantly going braless in public so everyone can witness you activating the wonder twins and after seeing you in Sin City working the stripper pole like a squirrel on a crack-filled acorn and then watching the Fantastic Four movies where you style a spandex suit so tight that even the outline of your suppository made an appearance, I am fully convinced that, as soon as enough zeros are on the end of the check, you’ll flash that chia pet like a billboard on the Vegas strip. I hope after you spend the next week or two getting up close and personal with some dude’s bagpipe on every corner that’ll you learn a lesson about dumbass comments like that.
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