Stand still, Amy....here it comes

Here’s a shocker. Amy Winehouse, who ironically has the hit single Rehab, overdosed this past week and had this to say about it: “It was just crazy - One of the most terrifying moments of my life. I don’t know how to explain what happened. I couldn’t recognize myself. I’m fine. I’ll be back at work on Monday. I’m fine, honest.” Are you frickin’ kidding me? You don’t know how to explain what happened? Oh, well, allow me to explain. You see, that happens when you turn your nostrils into a Eureka Vacuum Cleaner and go sucking up everything in the damn house. Heroin, cocaine, laundry detergent, ajax. Hell, your husband was so full of dope, if you could’ve figured out how, I’m sure you would have tried to shove him up your nose. But it’s kinda hard to figure the logistics on something like that when you’re brain is toasted like a frickin’ Quizno’s sub, huh Amy? And one of the drugs reputed to be in your system was ketamine….a horse tranquilizer. Well jiminy frickin’ Christmas, what’s left for you to do, Amy? Maybe you could snort some mustard gas or smoke a few radioactive isotopes. I mean, damn, you’re so bad off on drugs that Snoop Dogg and Pete Doherty want you to “Just Say No”. Hell, your own LIVER signed up on E-Harmony and the profile said “trying to escape abusive relationship”. And as for your comment that you couldn’t recognize yourself. Yeah, see that happens when your drug habit causes ya drop so much weight that you make Kate Moss look like a lard ass. And apparently the drugs have affected your smile, too because it looks like you spent the better part of the last month gnawing on lug nuts. There are so many gaps in those chiclets I could drive a 78 Buick Electra through there. You’re way beyond everyday dental work. What your teeth need involves an assload of C-4 and a wrecking ball. Amy, you don’t need rehab you need a damn head transplant. Dumbass.