This one has me flappin’ my gums more than grandma that time I sold her false teeth in a yard sale. Angelina Jolie was quoted saying “I’ve never hidden my bisexuality, but since I’ve been with Brad, there’s no longer a place for that or S&M in my life”. Are you frickin’ kidding me? All of the sudden, how much does it suck to be Brad Pitt. Talk about getting duped. What, ya get married and all of the sudden whips, chains and leather thongs are tossed like a prison salad? Come on, Brad that makes about as much sense as a stripper in Pakistan. Are ya down to missionary position only on Wednesday nights after your couple’s bible study? We all know the main reason you hooked up with Angelina wasn’t for love and family. It was for the swingin’ from the ceiling, monkey sound makin’, blood vial wearin’, crazy, kinky sex… and now she pulls the rug out from under you? Admit it, there’s no way in hell you would have ever agreed to adopt 72 frickin’ kids and spend most of your time in countries where the water gives you the Flamin’ Hershey Squirts if you had planned ahead. I would have made damn sure our prenup included A) a clause REQUIRING Angelina to CONTINUE knocking mops with other hot, freaky chicks and B) a subsection mandating, that at least twice a week, Angelina dress up like a hot viking babe so she could rape and plunder my village of one. But instead, Brad, you let her go on the adoptapalooza tour and with all 132 kids at the house, I imagine your sex life now is about as exciting as a Catholic church without an alter boy. I never thought I would say this but, Brad, sucks to be you.
No comments:
Post a Comment