Just put it right there.....

I’d like to start with a special message to actor Cuba Gooding Jr. who has me more pissed off than superman wearing a kryptonite condom. Hello Cuba. New movie opens this weekend, huh? I believe it’s called Daddy Day Camp, right? Are you frickin’ kidding me? Daddy Frickin’ Day Camp? First of all, this is a sequel to Daddy Day Care, an Eddie Murphy movie that had a level of enjoyment that fell somewhere between passing a kidney stone the size of J-Lo’s ass and being catheterized by a quarter inch PVC pipe. Number two, Eddie said he wasn’t coming back and if Eddie Murphy says no to a movie, you know you should reject it faster than a liver donated by John Daly. But not you, Cuba. No, my friend. You are to movies what Eddie Murphy is to an unfertilized womb. You are a movie whore. You’ve made it clear that, if a dollar is involved, you’ll show up faster than Kirstie Alley on a Whopper with Extra Cheese. I guess when you said “Show me the Money” in Jerry McGuire, you meant that Shiite. There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that if a director called you tomorrow and said, “Cuba, we’re doing a movie about a giant toilet and we want you to play the role of a freshly-baked batch of turds ahoy. The only question you would ask is “would that be with or without corn?”. Dude, you won a frickin’ Oscar for God’s sake. A FRICKIN’ OSCAR! At this point, that Oscar has about the same value as that disc I keep getting in the mail for a free 30 day trial of AOL. Cuba, If your movie goal is to make a longer string of turds than Yao Ming on an all peanut diet, then you’re a complete success. Otherwise, the next time you think about making a movie like Daddy Day Camp, I would just ask that you take that Oscar Statuette and kindly cram it up your bunghole. Then you might have some notion of how we feel when we have to sit through one of your movies. Thanks for listening.