Every since Angelina started collecting kids like frickin’ Yugio cards, every other celebrity wants to get in on the craze. Madonna has one and now it’s been said that Penelope Cruz and Leonardo DiCrapio want one, too. Are you frickin kidding me? Hey clowns do you realize it takes more than just a little water and sunshine to grow one of these? They’re not frickin’ sea monkeys. Maybe you guys could make up little trading cards for each one so when you get bored with them you can trade ‘em out with other celebrities. I’ll swap you a Maddox for a David. They could get points for being frickin potty trained or coming with an agent already attached to give them more value. What the hell, maybe like baseball cards they could each come with a frickin’ piece of that stale ass, teeth breaking gum stuck to their back. And you know if the A-Listers are adopting now, that the rest of these clowns will jump at the chance faster than Eddie Murphy on a transvestite hooker. And then the next thing you know Paris Hilton is adopting kids and raising a whole new generation of skank bags.
But, seriously, the real reason I am mad is that Angelina Jolie has not offered to adopt me. Angelina, listen, I have three reasons you should pick me over one of those foreign kids: #1) I can fill out my own paperwork and there won’t be any of those annoying fees #2) Most of the time, I don’t crap my pants. and #3) I am a huge proponent of breastfeeding. A lot. All day. All night. It’s just what’s best for baby.
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