Next on my list of things that make me more aggravated than Paris Hilton at a monogamy rally. Moviehole reports that Jean Claude Van Damme will be extending slightly beyond the action genre to try his hand at a supernatural thriller with some horror elements in Holy Blood, said to be something like The Exorcist meets The X-Files. Are you frickin’ kidding me? More like Kung fu clown meets stupid script. Van damnit! And I guess this is somehow different from the 32 straight to DVD turdtaculars he did last year. If I had an hour and a half to spend and my choices were A) endure Jean Claude Van Dork’s ridiculous Belgian accent or B) Use a hot iron to get the wrinkles out of my penis then I guess you better hand me the spray starch and that would be the heavy starch if you catch my drift. I also like the fresh lemon scent but that’s optional. By comparison…Jean Claude is to acting as frickin’ Alec Baldwin is to child nurturing. Hey Jean….do producers actually call you to make these or do you stand on the side of Hollywood Blvd with a sign that says, “Will work for food”? As much as I believe in helping the homeless, I would have to let your chop-suey ass starve to death.
No comments:
Post a Comment