Today is a banner day for me! Did I win the lottery? Nope. Did I get my own TV show? Nope. Did I get a hot lap dance? Hell no. But what I did get dropped in my lap is the “new” Halloween trailer from “writer/director” Rob Zombie. Apparently, he got permission to remake Halloween based on some other movie he made that, from the look of the box, had to do with killer clowns or something. But hey, what the heck, I always did like Halloween and I was actually kind of excited that someone might reinvent the franchise with a modern day Michael Myers with a whole new feel. Imagine how surprised I was when I cued up the ole trailer. I thought maybe I clicked on the wrong one because it looked almost exactly the same except for different actors. But when the moment for the mask came, I really wondered what he had done with that to freshen up the feel. Yeah, ummmm, it looks exactly the same. Are you frickin' kidding me?
Hey Rob… I have a question….can you really bill yourself as a “writer/director” if your “re-imagining” of the Halloween movie franchise is almost EXACTLY the same movie that John Carpenter made in 1978? It would appear that the only thing you have “re-imagined” is a way to make some quick dough from unsuspecting slasher fans. Is this your way of getting back at the public since there were only about 8 people who bought your last CD? And, I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, Rob, but out of the 8 people who bought it…..5 currently use it as a coaster, 2 donated it to Goodwill (which they rejected because they have a policy against CDs that suck that bad. Although I did see they had a copy of Freddy Fender’s last CD on the rack, for what that’s worth) and the last one, well I bought that one just to wipe my can with and you may have the last laugh on that one because I still have CD shrapnel lodged around my anus. But that’s not the point, is it, oh “re-imaginer”? The point is that you made fifty cents. To tell the truth, I always suspected you were phonier than Paris Hilton’s promise not to have sex for a year (I am sure that by “not to” she meant as many as would have her in the next five minutes) and now I know it. Now that I think about it, you probably “re-imagined” all the CDs you released. You probably blatantly plagiarized were the writer/director of many CDs that were originally imagined by others, huh Zombie?
What’s next, Robert? Maybe you could “re-imagine” a show that revolves around really odd things happening. In one episode you could have a guy in a plane that is afraid of flying and when he looks out the window at 20,000 feet he sees some kind of creature on the wing of the plane. Yeah, and maybe you could call it “The Zombie Zone”. Or how about this…..maybe you could “re-imagine” a conceptual CD about a guy on heroin who “don’t need no education” and you could call it “Rob’s Wall”. Or maybe you could just admit you didn’t “re-imagine” or “write” anything at all. It’s just a remake for an audience of teenagers who never saw the original and wouldn’t know the difference if they were being fleeced or not. Nice work, Rob….and every time I sit down on my porcelain throne, the shrapnel in my ass will not only remind me that your CDs suck but that your “re-imagined” movies do, too.
Hey Rob… I have a question….can you really bill yourself as a “writer/director” if your “re-imagining” of the Halloween movie franchise is almost EXACTLY the same movie that John Carpenter made in 1978? It would appear that the only thing you have “re-imagined” is a way to make some quick dough from unsuspecting slasher fans. Is this your way of getting back at the public since there were only about 8 people who bought your last CD? And, I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, Rob, but out of the 8 people who bought it…..5 currently use it as a coaster, 2 donated it to Goodwill (which they rejected because they have a policy against CDs that suck that bad. Although I did see they had a copy of Freddy Fender’s last CD on the rack, for what that’s worth) and the last one, well I bought that one just to wipe my can with and you may have the last laugh on that one because I still have CD shrapnel lodged around my anus. But that’s not the point, is it, oh “re-imaginer”? The point is that you made fifty cents. To tell the truth, I always suspected you were phonier than Paris Hilton’s promise not to have sex for a year (I am sure that by “not to” she meant as many as would have her in the next five minutes) and now I know it. Now that I think about it, you probably “re-imagined” all the CDs you released. You probably blatantly plagiarized were the writer/director of many CDs that were originally imagined by others, huh Zombie?
What’s next, Robert? Maybe you could “re-imagine” a show that revolves around really odd things happening. In one episode you could have a guy in a plane that is afraid of flying and when he looks out the window at 20,000 feet he sees some kind of creature on the wing of the plane. Yeah, and maybe you could call it “The Zombie Zone”. Or how about this…..maybe you could “re-imagine” a conceptual CD about a guy on heroin who “don’t need no education” and you could call it “Rob’s Wall”. Or maybe you could just admit you didn’t “re-imagine” or “write” anything at all. It’s just a remake for an audience of teenagers who never saw the original and wouldn’t know the difference if they were being fleeced or not. Nice work, Rob….and every time I sit down on my porcelain throne, the shrapnel in my ass will not only remind me that your CDs suck but that your “re-imagined” movies do, too.
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