The show Hero rocks and I don’t give a damn what anybody says. Yet, all of that aside, I am EXTREMELY mad at the producers for never before revealing, much less allowing, Hayden Panittiere to use her real superpower. In the show, Hayden plays a young woman who has the power to regenerate from any physical harm. But see, that’s fake. The superpower in this picture is REAL! Are you frickin’ kidding me?
I am sure every man reading this already knows what the power is. Well, actually, no man is “reading” this right now unless you consider the fact they are touching the screen as an effort to read in braille. And if you are a man and you are not doing that….or you are a lady, I just have one question for you: Do you not recognize the finest superpower in the universe? ARE YOU FRICKIN’ KIDDING ME? It’s Hayden’s ability to completely disorient and disable the entire male population single-handedly, errrr, tonguedly with only the slightest of actions…..like…..say……ummmmm
……making out with another girl’s boobie.
So, to the producers of Heroes…fellow geeks, as much as I love your show, and I love it like Lindsay Lohan would love a Colt 45 malt-liquor lollipop dusted in sweet ganja dust, I am now forced to catch a flight just to come up there and bring my kung-fu fists of steel out from retirement and lay waste to you for your complete lack of respect for your male viewership. Please do not try to hide. This is unavoidable. Please show respect and meet me at the airport so I can simply get off the plane, reach in and pull out your hearts and show them to you as the plane takes back off prior to your collapse into a pile of mush on the tarmac. Thanks. Oh…and thanks again for a great TV show. Sorry you have to die.
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