This one has me more miserable than Bill Clinton with a motion sensor attached to his zipper. A music industry insider says Britney Spears’ new album is delayed because Britney’s struggling creatively. According to the source, “Jive Records hated the songs Britney was coming up with. Struggling creatively? Are you frickin’ kidding me? She’s not struggling creatively… Britney’s struggling to find the intelligence to just suck in enough oxygen. She’s such an idiot that she probably spends bathtime completely amazed by her own fart bubbles. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if a story broke tomorrow about Britney being committed to a mental institution because K-Fed showed up to get the kids and found her on the stairs singing, “Oops I Did it Again" and finger-painting with her own doo doo. Speaking of Britney’s kids… how bad is it when, just for a minute, I started to think Kevin Federline might actually be the better parent? But then I realized that that makes about as much sense as going on vacation and asking Snoop Dogg to keep an eye on your weed. Those kids are much better off in the care of the nanny. Matter of fact, they’d probably be better off being cared for by a frickin’ can opener. And are you shocked that Jive Records hates her new songs? Can you imagine how bad they are? They probably have lyrics like, “Back in the groove and got some serious Libido, Damn, I wish I had a big bag a cheetos” or “I know you want to get a look at my red snapper but you can’t get none if you ain’t a white rapper.” The bottom line: Britney’s album has been delayed because it’s gonna suck harder than Selma Hayek’s breast pump.
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