And finally…Two words have me angrier than a midget alcoholic when the whiskey’s on the top shelf. Lindsay Lohan –So, Lindsay, let me get this straight, a couple weeks back, pictures surfaced on the internet of you handing out cocaine to your friends like you were at Tony Montana’s birthday party. (Ju wan sum of dis blow, main?) This week, in the span of about 4 hours, you leave the club drunk, wreck your car, get a DUI, leave the police station and then make alcoholics nationwide swell with pride by immediately returning to the club until 4 am? Are ju frickin’ kidding me, main? What is this… the Skankapalooza Tour? And how the hell is it that you can afford to pass out blow like it was peppermints from my grandma’s purse and still not spend a little money to hire a limo driver? Or maybe a taxicab. Hell, at this pace maybe the safest thing you could do is just find a post outside the club to which you could tie a frickin’ camel to ride! Then you could combine your two favorite things, driving drunk and getting your hump on. Yeah, getting pulled over while drunk driving on a camel down Hollywood Blvd might be embarrassing but at least you get to keep your driver’s license. Then to top that off, when you and the rest of the Skangwagon Gang leave the club from the second leg of your tour, the papparazi took pictures of you on the sidewalk blowing chunks like the Krakatau Volcano. Well, somebody’s had a busy day, huh Tiger? The only thing you left out was floatin’ a steaming turd in your $800 pair of Louis Vitton sweatpants. Of course, I’m sure you will tell everyone that this was just research for the new movie where you play a stripper but I don’t seem to recall ever tipping a stripper who ralphed up an extra long cheese coney in the middle of my lap dance. Well, here’s a couple tips for you, Skanksy Blowhan… Number 1…Learn to hold your liquor and Number 2…be responsible ….the next time you think about getting behind the wheel drunk and turning your car into a 5000 lb missile, why don’t you do the right thing and aim it at Paris Hilton?
No comments:
Post a Comment