This one has me crankier than Tom Sizemore’s nose. In what is sure to be the next “big thing”, Landmark Theater in West Hollywood has decided to remodel and is adopting a "Living Room" style with couches, comfortable chairs, loveseats and the like. According to their spokesperson, it's the chain's way of trying to lure more people out of their homes. Are you frickin’ kidding me? Did you think the reason people weren’t coming to your theater is because you didn’t have a frickin’ couch? The reason people aren’t coming to your theater is because you have to apply for financial aid just to get a bucket of popcorn and some frickin’ gummi worms. And I might lose my damn mind if one more of your loan sharks, errr, concession people tell me that for “only a quarter more” I can get the jumbo-sized drink. Newsflash: I don’t want a Mr Pibb that comes in a frickin’ 55 gallon drum where I have to dolly it to my damn chair. That is, unless you wanna put a urinal on the back of the seat in front of me. Yeah, sorry, about that splash on the back of your head, sir. And what the hell is Mr Pibb? For $35 bucks a pop I get generic Dr Pepper? And ya know, maybe you crooks could lower the concession prices a little bit if you didn’t have to keep the air conditioner set on a temperature that made it feel like the frozen tundra. Should I really need a parka in mid July? What I’m trying to say is, I don’t want a couch or loveseat in the theater. I just wanna be able to get a real Dr Pepper and some milk duds without breaking a hundred dollar bill. And I’d appreciate it, if it’s not too much trouble, that you not have the temperature set so low that by the end of the movie I’m afraid to cough because my frickin' testicles have retreated into my throat.
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