Listen up, Anger Allies....Now that I’m a public figure, I feel I have a responsibility to help others in my community. I wanted to help people with something close to my heart. I know from personal experience how difficult it is to find extra time with your family when you work long hours. I am painfully aware of bosses that refuse to let you off for your child’s ball game or event. That’s why I have founded The Get Out of Work Ass Whooping Service. And I make it easy! At my website, simply click the “Schedule My Ass Whooping” button and let little Timmy know you’ll be there to see him get his Honor Roll award. At least you’ll see him with the eye that’s not swollen shut. With my online menu, you choose the level of Ass Whooping I provide. Just want off a little early? Choose the “Parking Lot Pop Knot”. Need a week or two? You might consider the “Full on Atomic Ass Whooping” where I spontaneously show up and whip your ass so bad that Tina Turner will want to marry me. Email me today and I’ll give you the bonus guarantee of at least two broken bones and a trip to the ER. Isn’t your family worth it? Remember: An Ass Whooping today is time off tomorrow! House calls are extra. Not liable for medical bills or permanent injuries.
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